Corny Church Jokes

February 28, 2014

Sometimes there is nothing better than the groan you hear from kids after you’ve told a ridiculously corny church joke(Also referred to as, pastor or Dad jokes).

In order to help you attain some of these grumbles of half-humor and eye-rolls that say ‘you embarrass me’; here are a few gems.  These are blatant groan-worthy quips that I hope will bring the slightest of smiles to your face.  Feel free to use these in Corps Cadets…or from the pulpit.  To each their own I always say 😉  I have no idea who to contribute these to since they are mostly remembered from word-of-mouth stories or in terrible youth sermons heard previously in my life.  Also, I’m not so sure whoever created these would wish to be attributed with their creation.  You are Welcome.  and kids…I’m sorry:

  • What kind of man was Boaz before he married?  Ruthless
  • What do they call pastors in Germany?  German Shepherds
  • Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?  Noah, he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
  • Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? Pharoah’s daughter.  She went down to the bank and drew out a little Prophet.
  • What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?  Jehovah drove Adam & Eve out of the garden in a FURY.  Davids TRIUMPH was heard throughout the land.  Also, probably a HONDA, because the apostles were all in one ACCORD.
  • Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson, he brought the house down.
  • What excuse did Adam give his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? Your mother ate us out of house and home.
  • Which servant of God was the most flagrant law-breaker in the Bible?    Moses.  He broke all 10 commandments at once.
  • Which Bible character had no parents? Joshua, son of Nun.
  • Why didn’t they play cards on the ark? Because Noah was standing on the deck.
  • Who does the Bible direct to make coffee, men or women? An entire book was dedicated to solving this issue:  He Brews
  • Why did the farmer bring his new cow to church?  He heard they were getting a new pasture
  • What did Adam & Eve do after they were kicked out of the garden of Eden?   They raised Cain
  • Did you know Jesus was a cattle farmer?    He was always talking about his ‘pair-of-bulls’
  • Where is the first mention of cannibalism in the Bible?  2 Kings ate one
  • What kind of beverage can improve your character?  TEA: charitea, humilitea, sensitivitea, puritea
  • Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?  Because people are sleeping

Please feel free to add you own.  If anyone knows Mike Himes and can forward this to him, he can probably add a whole new list to this one.  Love ya bud!

3 Responses to Corny Church Jokes
  1. What do you call a camel with no humps? Humphrey

  2. How does Noah make his tea-Hebrews it


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